From the Ranch

From the Ranch

Monday, May 4, 2009

Now it is time...

Today it is time to start this blog in earnest. I have begun a journey that so many others have taken before me. Early Saturday morning Randy left for a tour of duty in Afghanistan. He will be gone a year with a leave in the middle of that time frame. My entire life I have been an independent woman, always capable of taking care of myself and those I love. I had always been the "care giver," but when I married Randy he was so capable, so energetic, such a stickler for doing things promptly, completely, and to the best of his ability, I slipped into a state of "spoiled woman syndrome," before I knew what happened. It was just so easy to let him do things for me. At first it made me uneasy, made me feel a little guilty, but then... what can I say, I just melted into that warm safe place of not even having to think about so many things, he just took care of them. Planning... oh does that man love a plan, almost as much as he loves the completion of a plan. Of course I have already found that the independent capable part is like riding a bicycle...

But Soldiers Heart will be my solace... The birds, flowers, the horses, Ginger, and of course the work we have begun here. Randy loves it here, finds his own solace here. When we were married his daughter, Rebecca, sang Twila Paris' song, "The Warrior is a Child." The words talk of how even the bravest warrior needs a place of rest, where he can lay down all of stresses of war. Randy has always found that here. We had one weekend recently when everyone was away but the two of us. I watched him as the two of us spent the day working together, feeding the horses, working on the new round pen, eating lunch on the porch. There was such tranquility in his face, such love for this home. I could see him thinking of how he would miss it. I can often see what Randy is thinking of. His eyes reflect his intelligence, and I love watching them when he is deep in thought. Randy has a saying, a mantra that he lived by through his years at West Point, Ranger School, Jungle Survival School, and so many other difficult things, he tells himself, "if the man in front of me can do it, so can I." So I am telling myself of this journey, "if the woman in front of me can do it, so can I." So many women have done this before me, came through stronger for it, and empowered by the experience, with their love between their Soldier and themselves deeper and more meaningful. I don't know if my love can deepen, I am certain no woman has ever loved a man so deeply as I love Randy. I sometimes think about whether I admire him more, or love him more. Today, surely, I cannot decide. The story of my Soldier's life fascinates me, I think it will you too. The life we share, the ideals that govern all he does, and his moral courage no matter what the threat... in a world where seemingly more leave behind the ideals held in the Army's Seven Values every day, all these things are worthy of sharing. Many Soldiers truly live a life "above the common man." So another way I will endure this separation from the love of my life will be to write here, write about Randy, write about other Soldiers that it has been my privilege to come to know, and write about this small ranch that my Soldier loves so dearly.